Some kind of nature

I always mess up. Whether it’s academically or socially, I always mess up.
In most cases I don’t understand what I did wrong. Sometimes I think I didn’t do anything wrong.
Personally, I like who I am. I can be an asshole most of the time, and believe me, I’ve tried changing that (mainly because I’ve received numerous complaints about it), but I’ve come to realize that I don’t want to change that part of me.
Wait.
Those aren’t the right words. I mean I probably could change it, but I just don’t have the drive to do so. I think that part of me is interesting, and I like to keep things a little fun. Take it from someone who has a few boring friends; being an ass can sometimes be a good thing. It adds some colour to life. l o l

“You can never have a serious conversation with her…unless it’s over texts.”
I seriously despise him for saying that. But it’s true. He knows that I can only have a serious conversation over text messaging because I’d rather not show my emotions in person; in real life.
Did he get me to admit that he liked me because he wanted to prove himself right? Or that he actually felt the same way?
I don’t know. He’s a hell of a good liar so it’s hard to tell. But either way, what he did was pretty mean in my opinion. I mean he tells me that he always wonders what it would be like if we actually got together, and that he has feelings for me but he tries not to think about it because he thinks that I wouldn’t reciprocate those feelings. And then he asks one of my friends to be his girlfriend.
I shouldn’t have lied to myself about him.
Fuck. I really did like him. Though dating him would’ve been the worst thing for me. It’d be too much maintenance. And honestly, I’m not saying this because I pity myself or because I think I’m not attractive, but he can do better than me. He’s hot.
At this point I just want him to spit in my face, call me hideous (although he kind of already did that), and tell me he no longer has feelings for me. I have no idea why, but I still think he kind of likes me. I DON’T KNOW WHY. I don’t want him to.
He already treated me like crap that one day, so how am I not still over him? I don’t get itttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
I’ve even gone on a couple dates with some other guy who from what I know seems pretty fucking rad.
I think I need to start avoiding him again.

He got over me. Why can’t I?

25

Feb. '13

dammit

I knew I’d be back. Fuck.
Not going to write an essay this time because tired also school tomorrow

I’ve been trying to keep up with the news lately, partially because I have to for my news studies class, but also because I feel like knowing more stuff about stuff would be good for the whole ‘exercising my mind’ that I mentioned before.
There’s a lot of issues that go on in Toronto. In Canada. In North America. Everywhere.
And most of it is disgusting.
Afghan’s are mad because Afghan’s are killing Afghans. Seriously? Why the shit would anyone resolve to killing their own race, let alone slaughtering at all. I just… lol I don’t understand. I mean, I do understand that war and violence is completely unpreventable because it’s natural for the human race to feel and act this way. But why do people feel the need to resort to bloody, gory violence to prove a point or “protect/defend”? Can’t we all just come to a simple compromise?
Probably not. This is exactly why people fucking suck.
The news is very depressing. There’s so much to know, and there is never enough time to just stop for a minute and think.
Politics is another thing that ticks me off. Yea, it’s important that we have politicians to stabilize our government and provide guidance for the population, but I don’t think it’s worth hyping over empty promises. Not to say that everything Justin Trudeau or Kathleen Wyleen (however you spell her last name) say is complete and utter bullshit, because there’s a chance that it isn’t. But taking sides just doesn’t sit right with me. We are taught to treat everyone fairly in respect to belonging to a democratic nation. If someone were to actually take the time to reflect on the viewpoints of potential or current prime ministers like Stephen Fucking Shithead Harper, they would realize how absurd people’s intentions can be. Oh, I’m fully aware that what I just said is full of flaws, but frankly, I could care less about politics. I’m more focused on keeping true to myself - something that politicians should pick up on. heuheuheuehuehuh
So yea. That’s how I feel about the news I guess.

On a more positive note, Paul Rudd looked like quite the spiffy hobo at the Oscars.

24

Feb. '13

thoughts i guess

In one of my university lectures, we had a guest speaker come in. He told us that we should always write. Whether it’s in a journal, or a blog; whether it’s a formal piece, or a shitty thing like this one, we should just do it. It’s good practise for our mind, he said. So, I figured I may as well give it a shot here. I mean, who’s going to even read this, right? Good lord I hope no one does. Actually no. I don’t really care.
I applied to the radio and television program at my university. I’m almost certain that I won’t get accepted though. My english mark barely met the minimum requirement last year. Also my research essay for my portfolio was a complete joke. Seriously, it was worse than the shit that spews out of my ass every Tuesday after having indulged in a Tuesday special feast at KFC.
Regardless of my shitty portfolio and english mark that I will hopefully bump up this year in summer school, I feel like I would fit in SO WELL in this program.
I don’t know. Maybe I’m just overwhelmed by the idea that I would get to learn about things I’d actually enjoy learning. Like filming. Audio production. Broadcasting. All that fun stuff. But it’s not just that.
I feel like I kind of… belong there. My whole life, I’ve loved music. And yea, I know everyone says that. But I feel like it’s a different situation with me. Having an older brother (which I am so grateful for because I’d be such a pansy without him) has been a great influence on me. He exposed me to different genres on music, but mainly rap. I was more into punk rock (still am). So I’ve learned to appreciate……….most genres I guess ha. Gotta send out an apology to the Biebs cause that’s one ‘musician’ I won’t have a place in my heart for. Nevertheless, music is my life. Despite my parents being old farts, their taste in music isn’t reflected in my preferences. I got into The Beach Boys, The Monkees, Buddy Holly, all those guys, on my own, which I am extremely proud of. I would say that this is one of the big things that makes me such a well-rounded kid. I’m not good enough of a guitarist to make it in the business, but if I were to become an audio producer or get a career that involved being part of the music industry, it would be…beyond my comprehension. Ha I’m getting overjoyed just thinking about it.
As for television, I’ve only ever had basic cable, so clearly, I didn’t have a lot to work with as a kid. But I somehow managed to become a TV fanatic at one point in my life. Cartoons are great. I mean, the new ones suck, but the ones in my day were fucking awesome. They were so wholesome. And entertaining. It was hard not to fall in love with them. But from what I remember, watching VH1 re-runs on MuchMore Music (NOT MUCH) was what my life consisted of during my junior years of high school. Top 100 Greatest Rock Songs, The Worst Glam Rock ‘Hair’ Bands (they were all the worst in my opinion), Most Memorable Front-Men. Shows like that were what I constantly watched, which explains my trivial knowledge of music. Basic cable also let me discover the joy that is talk shows. I think the first one I’ve ever seen was the Wanda Sykes Show. Yea, it’s weird I know. Most people probably would’ve said Ellen or Oprah. Meh. Wanda was funny. I gave Jay Leno a shot but…yea. His chin kind of got in the way. Come on, everyone has to crack a joke about the chin when his name is mentioned! Jimmy Kimmel was tolerable, too. But then I happened to stumble upon Jimmy Fallon one night. Sweet, sweet Jimmy Fallon. It was basically love at first sight. What I absolutely LOVED (and still do!) about him is that he let’s loose with whoever he’s interviewing. It’s as if casually talking and playing games with them like he does is just the norm. if I were to ever become a TV show host or a radio broadcaster, that’s what I would like to be like. Because it’s not always about the questioning and the gossip. Sometimes we’re all in need of a good water fight on air. Oh, also just to quickly wrap up, I listen to the radio a lot, mainly 102.1 the edge and Q107 classic rock. I fucking can’t get enough of music, man. Heck, I even have the radio playing while I shower.
I’m probably missing something, but whatever, this is tumblr, WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK RIGHT. I really do feel like I’m a worthy candidate for the radio and television program. It sucks that I wasted 50 buckaroos on my protfolio because I know I’m not getting accepted because of my damn grade 12 english mark. But at first if you don’t succeed, try and try again. Kudos to the man that came up with that quote.
ALSO SNL FUCK FORGOT TO MENTION I LOVE THAT SHOW JESUS CHRIST THE VERY FIRST SEASON ON DVD IS ON SALE AND I CAN’T WAIT TO GET IT ALSO I LOVE AMY POEHLER AND WILL FERRELL ALSO JIMMY FALLON WAS ON THAT TOO GOD DAMMIT SNL bye

Sorry to say, but I’ll probably be back. Sucks for you all hAhA

02

Feb. '13

vansgirls:

Love this photo and look from The Blame On Mame via their Lookbook page. Sometimes I get lost on lookbook.nu for days. Do you guys have any favorite fashionistas to follow on the site? -amanda